Shaun: Living in agony 24/7 after losing a life and much more, how I came back


I know I think my life can really suck at times, but in all reality my life is pretty good.  Then you come along and meet someone like Shaun, and my heart goes out for him.  You also see that he has not given up, that he is not defined by his circumstances but chooses to rise above them.  What you are about to read, is not for the faint of heart (especially the link), but worth the read.  Shaun is a blogger, and you can find his blog here.  I hope you enjoy his journey.

Living in agony 24/7 after losing a life and much more, how I came back

Before I write anything I need to say my feet are on the ground and I know I still have a LONG road ahead of me, I know I will have to walk parts alone, I am happy in the knowledge I will have loved ones, friends and virtual friends on the journey with me, I have Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain Syndrome, coming on 15 years now and it got worse, I am 40 years old just turned, My name is Shaun Gibson, I am from Edinburgh Scotland, I have 4 kids, I live in my dream home in a dream area I always wanted to live. I drive an Automatic Citroen sports car; I live in the middle of the woods here on the outskirts of Edinburgh, the reclusiveness I love, but I must be careful I don’t retreat into my bubble and ignore the world.

I came from a hellish Childhood, to a terrible teenage time, to becoming a terribly confused young Adult who was a Dad at 18, I was gifted a partner and a family as time moved on, I had it all. Aged 30 my life changed in more ways I can tell, but also came pain, depression, suicidal thoughts, and a lack of wanting to be better, I was popping prescription pills like they were sweeties (Candy in the USA) I was in a bad place, this was after I had so much taken from me, I caved in, I gave up I was losing more and more through this illness, it was taking and taking and just kept taking and it drove me further down, I had to re-like myself, reinvent myself, find another passion, and here I am doing it

Now here I am, August 2013, the old me is gone, but the essence of the old me is returning, I can feel him, I am starting to have fun more, smile more, look forward more, anticipate things more, I found out lately my Mum (Who is ill)  is getting  Married early next year, things just started falling back into place in my mind, from the outside Dawn (My Partner) may see no change, but I do, and I guess Dawn does, I just am unsure what she see’s, we will talk about it as we do, as she reads all these blogs. I am in a good place, I have been for a while now, I have the odd day, I am a blessed man, living the life I want to live now, I want to be in no pain and do football (Soccer for the USA) where I was a manager at a really high level, this was taken from me, but anyone who followed my journey from the start will know I came to terms with that, so now I look forward to new challenges, new good things, challenges I may not even know about, I still want to do Radio, I want to improve as a writer by 100% at least, I am not a writer, I am just lad with a keyboard sharing his journey with a group of people who care, and I can only be thankful, I now want to help people who may be where I was once, this would make me happy, to pay it back, this is what life is about, giving back what you received, not being in pain, I can understand how some may not get what people like me write.

Like everyone in life, I have issues, I have a journey, I am living it, but today I can say I am back in control, never again shall I blog about being suicidal, I have my mind back, I have to thank 1,000 people who follow my blog on here (some more than others) People came and helped me walk through the door, or over the line to where I stand today. But as said, my feet are on the ground, the journey carries on, and I can’t wait, I am up for the challenge of what life will throw at me now. This didn’t happen today, this happened over many days, weeks, months, I had to live, I had to find reasons, with 4 kids, two sons 21 and 19 and two Daughters 3 and 4 year old, I had to, giving up was not an option, but suicide is a selfish place, and not a nice place to be, these days I just feel it stronger than ever for some reason, and my mind is now mine again, I say that loosely though, as I am a Scottish man, we are a different breed of Men, complicated I would say, along the way here on Word Press I never made 1 enemy, people may have made me an enemy, but I can say hand on heart, I feel no hard feelings towards 1 person, everyone helped me, so now it is time to pay back, I need to visit YOU and speak to you, and I hope this is ok, I need to share your story, and give back what I was given in help from Word Press, it truly is a remarkable place

I would like you thank you all for joining me on my journey as I approach my 1,000th blog and just passed it today 2nd September, it has been an amazing 8 months, feels longer for some reason, I feel at home on Word Press, as I am stuck in home a lot I fill my house with technology, laptops in every room, Sky TV, Tablets, I pads, you name it, I MUST keep my mind in a place where I am busy or the darkness comes to visit, it is a learning curve in dealing with pain, not just for me, but for my family in the house, all 4, the girls are too young, but my oldest Daughter is starting to ask “Daddy are you sore” I just say “Honey Daddy has a sore leg” and she smiles and gets on with her little life

For anyone who doesn’t know, I will leave this, as I gain so many followers, many don’t know, I grew up in a criminal family, I seen and done things I am not proud about, so I had to thank Mel here for allowing me to tell my story, I was a kid, I knew one life, it took the love of a young woman who I am still with 25+ years later to show me a life I had no idea existed, she saved me, I can’t thank her, I just love her http://deliberatedonkey.wordpress.com/2013/07/02/murder-and-more-through-the-eyes-of-a-child/  This is the blog here. But really, life is good now, all better, we are all happy as we can be, this was another life, one I had no control over. but I do now, I can decide to let it be what it is, the past, if it causes me issues, then so be it, I would say 2 year ago, maybe less, I WAS A MESS, I was on twitter, and I was gone, I tried to hide it, but in reality the medication was in control of a body I didn’t like my mind I hated it, but here I am, look what I did, look what I achieved, blogging and writing for 5 different websites and online papers, I had to take the determination I used as a football manager and make myself work hard and get past the agony I wake to each morning, I could have given in, but as I sit and write this I am published writer now on other sites, I made myself do this, but I want to improve my writing further, it is  a passion now, when one door closes another opens, no matter how painful, with pain like mine, climbing walls in pain is easy, but you learn, somehow to live and care and love

As I say at the end of most blogs, please come visit me

http://prayingforoneday.wordpress.com/

More love, less hate

Shaun

Please make sure to check out more of other people’s journey

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4 Responses to Shaun: Living in agony 24/7 after losing a life and much more, how I came back

  1. Pingback: Shaun: Living in agony 24/7 after losing a life and much more, how I came back | Our Personal Journey

  2. Pingback: Shaun: Living in agony 24/7 after losing a life and much more, how I came back | Looking for reasoning to a complicated world

  3. navaara says:

    Shaun, You know my heart and love go out to you all the time. I feel your pain, in some ways different, but in many ways the same. I am so glad you have such a good support network of people in your life, and so many material conveniences to make your life a bit more easier. You are a good man, Shaun, and have gone through a lot of crap to get to where you are. Much love, Peace.

  4. prayingforoneday says:

    I hope your pain isn’t too bad, whatever it is…
    Thank you for your kind words. Life is ok now, pain is still bad, but it always will be, we all just have to learn to live with pain. Otherwise it will drag us down.

    Peace and love back
    Shaun

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